Airs Dec. 31, 2017 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube: https://youtu.be/LZok1OAX8Gk
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of January 1, 2018.
Hard to believe, but the tumultuous, ridiculous year of 2017, or, as I like to call it, 5777-5778, is coming to an end. We’ve made it through 365 days without a nuclear war, an ice age, and a new Renny Harlin film, so why grouse?
As I did last year, I have chosen to summarize the events of the past annum in a poetical-artistical form, so I hope you will bear with me as we bid shalom to the current year and, well, shalom to the next. Seriously, whoever invented Hebrew really dropped the ball on word coinage. Anyhoo, here goes:
`Twas the night before New Year’s and throughout this great land,
Americans took about all they could stand
The country was split between blue states and red
And folks on each side wished the other side dead
The Democrats never imagined they’d lose
To a man who refers to the truth as “fake news”
A man who will speak without filters or grace
Though he could not repeal and he could not replace
And so, onto migrants Trump’s temper did fall
But Mexico said, “We won’t pay for your wall!”
“Now, folks,” said The Donald, “I’m just getting warm!
I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll do tax reform!”
And just before Christmas, the bill it did pass.
It’s great for the rich, not the poor and middle-class.
The stock market soared, the jobless claims fell
And still we all feel like we’re going to hell
Big hurricanes drowned with their winds and their waves
And statues came down `cause their subjects owned slaves
The national anthem brought teams to their knees
While Hollywood drowned in an ocean of sleaze
Oh Spacey, oh Keillor, oh Lauer, oh Franken
A few should get jailtime, the others a spankin’
The Democrats grinned when Fox News canned O’Reilly
Till the axe fell on Schwartz, Hockenberry, and Smiley
And suddenly hashtags were filled with “Me Toos”
Against a whole passel of rich, horny Jews
Yet Hollywood shlock remained vegetative
“Star Wars” 26 – how innovative!
But at least cinema took our minds off our woes
Prince Harry did, too, when he chose to propose
But still there were shootings by Muslims and crazies
With Jason Aldean fans all pushing up daisies
Now, that Vegas massacre was not by a Muslim
But they sure got mad at a Jewish Jerus’lem
And speaking of mad, how about North Korea
Which seems like it’s ready to start World War Threea
The pundits were urging our chief to stay calm
While Rocket Man threatened to liquidate Guam
But Trump was no Scrooge, no fiend out of Dickens
Why, he tossed paper towels at wet Puerto Ricans
He railed against Clinton, he’s threatening DACA
He kisses hot women but won’t use Binaca
He seated Neil Gorsuch upon the high court
To make it much harder for girls to abort
He praised Neo-Nazis so white folks were mollified
And all his appointees were ultra-unqualified
That said, he bombed Syria for murder by gas
So why does he Tweet and kiss Putin’s ass?
O.J.’s a free man until his next trial
And Mary Tyler Moore turned off her smile
This year we lost Domino, Berry, and Petty
And Allman and Cassidy and enough already.
2018 is just up ahead
With midterm elections to fill us with dread
The Winter Olympics will bore us with thrills
So doctors, please don’t ban our opioid pills
We’ll need them to get through each day and each night
Happy New Year to all, and to all a “La-La-Land.” I mean, “Moonlight!”
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches, in Great Neck, New York. Shana Tovah!
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