Aired June 30, 2013 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tS3_41e-NUc
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of June 30th, 2013.
Do you live in Colorado? That makes you a very lucky person. Unless you’re getting burnt up by the forest fires, but other than that, the mountains are gorgeous, the weather is stunning, the prices are fair, and all the men carry guns, but they don’t point them directly at you.
If you’re in or near Greeley, Colorado next week, you’re even luckier because you get to see me, Rabbi Sol Solomon, live and in the flesh. On July 6th at two in the afternoon and seven in the evening, I’m going to be doing my one-man, two-person show, “Shalom Dammit! An Evening with Rabbi Sol Solomon,” live onstage. The venue is the exciting new cultural center in town, Art Space Greeley. It’s this big building on the corner of 7th Avenue and 12th Street that used to be a garage. Which is appropriate because my first shul was in a gas station. My congregation would say a few prayers, then a car would come, we’d make a blessing, wash the windows, and siphon a gallon here and there to light our menorah. Ah, those were the days.
But now I’m a big off-Broadway star, because I did Shalom Dammit! last year in New York, and the critics raved! They also ranted, but mostly they raved. They called my show hilarious, outrageous, biting, wildly funny, courageous and even a little dangerous. Those are actual quotes – I didn’t even have to bribe anybody. Not that I could have on my budget. This is live theater; if it wasn’t for volunteers and sexual favors, nobody could afford to live.
Actually, there is a little money in this production, courtesy of The Community Foundation of Weld County. They actually gave us a grant to do Shalom Dammit! in Greeley, Colorado. They didn’t give us enough to do it right, but they gave us enough to do it. So I can go up there, shout at people for an hour and a half, sing some songs and then escape to the parking lot before the goyim come after me with torches. And because we have government funding for this production, tickets are cheap! Only five dollars for adults, seniors and the indigent. Students with valid ID pay only $3 to get in. That’s less than a latte! Three dollars – that’s six ten-thousandths of a cent per second – a bargain! Broadway shows, it’s worse than a taxi ride; it’s a dollar a minute! And forget about phone-sex lines. Especially on my budget.
But seriously: cheap tickets to see a hit show with me, Rabbi Sol, and my brilliant musical accompanist, Richard Shore on the piano. He’s a Harvard-educated musical director at the University of Northern Colorado, and ladies, he’s single! By the way, ladies, I am not. So stop with the candy and the letters and the threats already, my wife checks my mail.
Anyhoo, what is Shalom Dammit! about? It’s about 90 minutes, with no intermission. That’s right – we’ve streamlined it. We’ve cut and shaped and trimmed, added and deleted, polished and buffed. If you saw Shalom Dammit! when it was workshopped at the university two years ago, you’re in for a completely different experience. Well, 25-to-30 percent different, but with new songs, new jokes, and a laser-etched focus to my dyspepsia. In other words, it’s more of the same with less of the same, but more, more or less. I talk about politics, religion, the Jewish holidays, Arab terrorists, assimilation, Christianity and my prostate. All the things that Jews are scared of.
So please, if you’re in Greeley during Stampede Week – be careful, you could get trampled. But on Saturday July 6th, come to my show, matinee or evening, of: Shalom Dammit! An Evening with Rabbi Sol Solomon, at Art Space Greeley, 705 12th Street. For more information and reservations, visit my website: Shalomdammit.com. That’s dammit with two M’s, d-a-m-m-i-t. M and M. M & M? That reminds me, I’m hungry – for the spotlight! See you at the theater on July 6th.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.
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