Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection #24 (9/25/11) – STATEHOOD?

aired Sept. 24, 2011 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube Clip: Statehood?

Shalom, Dammit!  This is Rabbi Sol Solomon, with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of September 25th, 2011.

So the Palestinians want a state.  Whoopdeefreakin’-doo.  All these years of fighting Israel, blowing up restaurants in Israel, sabotaging peace talks with Israel – and all they wanted all along was to BE Israel.  Of course, they have to have THEIR Israel inside the current Israel, which is why Obama and Bibi Netanyahu are telling them where they can stick their kebabs.

I have nothing against the Palestinians having a state of their own.  Besides their usual state of confusion.  They can have a homeland in Jordan, they can have one in Saudi Arabia. Even Turkey can throw `em a few kilometers.  Why does it have to be in Israel?  Israel is 10,000 square miles; the rest of the middle east is 8.6 million square miles.  It’s like Walmart coming to town and saying, “We could build our superstore in that huge abandoned parking lot, but we’d rather squeeze it into your kitchen.”

What people forget is that in the 1920s, when England was controlling Palestine, the Arabs were offered half of it.  They turned it down because they didn’t want to share it with Jews.  In 1947, they turned down a two-state solution for the same reason.  A year later, Israel became a nation, the Arabs attacked, and their turbans have been soaked in blood ever since.

So suddenly, they turn to the United Nations – which has been sucking the shmeckel of the Arabs for six decades – and the Palestinians say, “Declare us a state.”  They don’t say where, they don’t say how.  If there’s Jews on it, that’s where they want to be.

In the 63 years since Israel came to be, what have the Arabs done to prove that they can co-exist side by side with Jews?  Or any living thing, for that matter?  9/11, Lockerbie, bombings in Gaza, the Yom Kippur War, the Munich Olympics, the London subways.  What a record of accomplishment!

So here’s my idea for the Palestinians – they should all go to the zoo.  No, really.  Bring them to the biggest zoo in Lebanon with lots of land and food and vegetation.  Then partition the zoo so that the Arabs have half of it and the lions and tigers and bears have the other half.  Just make sure to put up signs around the zoo that say: “Caution! Wild and Vicious Animals.” It’s only fair to warn the lions, tigers and bears.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches. Shana Tovah!

(c) 2011 TotalTheater. All rights reserved.

Mahmoud Abbas

(AP Photo/Seth Wenig)



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