Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection #22 (8/28/11) – REB LEVIN

Aired Aug. 27, 2011 on Dave’s Gone By.
Youtube clip: Rabbinical Reflection #22

Shalom, Dammit!  This is Rabbi Sol Solomon, with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of August 28th, 2011.

My friends, there are so many wonderful Jews who have contributed so much to the world: Jonas Salk, Albert Einstein, Irving Berlin, me… And yet, every once in awhile, we’re confronted with yiddle, who doesn’t know his tush from his middle.  Jews who are evil or ignorant or who merely seem to deny the existence of soap and deodorant.

And so, for every hundred Baruch Spinozas, we get a Bernie Madoff.  For every thousand Bob Dylans, we get a Kenny G.  So now it pains me to say there’s a Jewish leader going viral on the internet with a homophobic rant.  Rabbi Yehuda Levin – and I use the word “Rabbi” loosely, like the way I use the phrase, “I’ll pay you next week,” Rabbi Levin took to the web a few days ago, specifically the day an earthquake struck northern Virginia, and shockwaves were felt all the way up to Manhattan.  Loony Levin took this as a sign that HaShem was punishing New York for legalizing gay marriage.

Don’t take my word for it – here’s the Flatbush flake himself:

(transcript of audio)  “There’s a direct connection between earthquakes and homosexuality.”

Really?  So the Japanese are all gay?  The Chinese in 1976?  San Francisco in 1906?  All right, San Francisco I get, but Peru?  India?  Portugal – well, it happened in Lisbon, so maybe God got confused and thought they said “Lesbian.”

Rabbi Levin goes on to say:

(transcript of audio)  “In New York City and State, where they opened especially on Sunday early after they passed the homosexual marriage law.  They couldn’t wait until the regular Monday, but all the county clerks had to open early to service the homosexual couples who wanted to get married.”

Hey, you should be happy.  At least they didn’t open Saturday.  And that is an interesting choice of words.  The clerks had to “service” these homosexual couples.  That’s not marriage, that’s a threesome.

The Rabbi goes on to draw a spurious comparison between the new marriage laws and the story of Sodom, where strangers threatened to rape Lot’s family.  To Reb Levin, the intruders weren’t wicked because they terrorized the family with sex and violence.  No, the wicked part was that their targets were buttholes instead of mouths and twats.

We then get that old saw about natural disasters being God’s response to sinners.  Usually, this claptrap comes out of the mouths of born-again goyim on Sunday morning TV.  Shameful!  Not so much for being delusional, but for pre-empting “Matlock.”

Still, Rabbi Levin saves his best line about homosexuality till near the end – no pun intended.

(transcript of audio)  “You have your shaken your male member in a place where it does not belong.”

Learn this phrase now, because you will no doubt be hearing it on Jimmy Kimmel, Tosh O., The Soup and, strangely enough, “Bob the Builder.”

(transcript of audio)  “You have your shaken your male member in a place where it does not belong.”

Let me tell you something.  If you ever had to take a pee in the Port Authority men’s room, you have shaken your male member in a place where it does not belong.

Look, I am not gay, but some of my best friends have acquaintances who know people who are gay.  So why can’t people live and let live?  The only good thing this Jewish jughead says in the whole video is, “We do not hate homosexuals.”  He feels bad for them.  Well, so do I.  Now that they can get married, they’ll be as miserable as the rest of us.

As for Rabbi Levin, his greatest worry is that legalized homosexuality is just another rung on society’s downward spiral.  Or, as he puts it:

(transcript of audio)   “We want everyone to understand that if these kinds of activities, and continuing to legislate it, until the moral fiber of this country is forced down the throats of the religious people…”

Leaving aside that that sentence has the grammatical clarity of a Thomas Pynchon novel, what an interesting choice of words the Rabbi uses: “Moral fiber forced down the throats of religious people.”  By any chance, Rabbi, would that moral fiber be pink, swollen, blue-veined and have hairy balls underneath it?  And if it does, would that be your lucky day?

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches. (transcript of audio)  “You have your shaken your male member in a place where it does not belong.”  Never gets old.

(c) 2011 TotalTheater. All rights reserved.

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